I just wanted to help that’s all I wanted to do

I’m now about to turn 25, so this is a 25 year long story. I grew up in Sandusky. My mother was never really present. She was always kind of in a different state with boyfriends and her other child. My father decided to get custody of all four of his children. I grew up less than middle class, there wasn’t food in my house.

I’m now a mother and she is my shining light. She is definitely my savior. I went through a tough time where I was homeless. I was living on couches. I was living in my car that I bought for myself. I was celebrating holidays by myself in my car, just depressed. It was really hard. I really strive to give my daughter a totally different life than I was given. We struggle with mental illness in my family and I try, as you do to empower people. I try to openly talk about my bipolar disorder. And I try to let people know it is OK, and it is not a black veil that you have to hide under anymore. When I was 14, I was emergency evacuated from custody of my father. I was put into my mothers care who had just moved back to Sandusky. Christmas Eve, when I was 14 her husband ended up molesting me and I was kicked out when I told that story. I was forced to live pretty much anywhere. I finally told the police. I remember them picking me up, actually taking me to Safe Harbor which is what I think sparked my want to begin Crystal Tower Women’s & Children’s Shelter.

This has all been the catalyst to change my life. I went through a very hard time. I went through a period of intense mental breakdown. I was not a person that I could even recognize. I drank a lot. I wasn’t who I wanted to be. I was a very negative, mean and nasty person. I wasn’t the best mother. It took me a few years to become someone I would like to look into the mirror at. Still to this day, I have a hard time when people says “oh, you’re such a good person.” I recognize that and I’m so thankful for the compliments but it’s, “if you had only known who I was before.”

I just wanted to help that’s all I wanted to do. I wanted to help women who were in my situation. I now have a stable life that I created with myself and my boyfriend. I was at this point in my life where I said you know I can help people. I have the resilience to teach people. It started out like that. I like to think that I’m a semi-smart person and I just delved into. It’s been a very long road. Crystal Towers is a six month transitional house for women and children who are escaping domestic violence as well as low income homelessness. We try to rehabilitate inside and out. Crystal Towers has been up and running for your a year and a half.

When I had lived with my father, I had a teddy bear. He was white and beautiful and fluffy with a beautiful red bow. I clung to him. He was my best friend. There were times when I was grounded for a year at a time in my childhood so I was very isolated. My teddy was my best friend. We were headed to Kentucky and our van had broken down. My dad was working on it and it blew up and it caught the neighbors house on fire, caught my dad on fire. I was crying, frantically just freaking out, and saying “I NEED MY TEDDY, I NEED MY TEDDY” and people came up to me and said, “oh your dad’s fine.” “I WANT MY TEDDY, I’m worried about my Teddy.” My Teddy was where I could be vulnerable at, in my room by myself. I could be that sweet little girl that I wanted to be. He expired in the van fire. It was very tragic for me.