“Today I know that I do matter”
I come from a place where at one point in my life I didn’t believe in God. I didn’t believe in a higher energy or higher power. I didn’t believe that I mattered. Now through the world that we have been presented with today, I know that I do matter. I know that no matter what color your skin is, I know that no matter if you’re male or female, for what you believe in, we all matter and that there is a higher power that carries us to where we are today. I believe without that belief I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you. I grew up in a place where I was the only one of my kind. I grew up surrounded by people of whiteness, much whiteness and I tried to fit in. Being black, it was next to impossible where I actually grew up, but people have embraced me. I’m going to start crying. Do you have a card so I can send this to you? [the story]
I’m 50 years old now. When I started back in the 70’s in Lynnwood it was all bad. My dad and mom worked hard to get us on the other side you know, to give us kids a chance to not be in bad areas. It turned out it might not have been the best move, to move us over the tracks, but I wouldn’t be who I am right now had that not happened. Growing up in school I couldn’t get a traditional education like the kids sitting next to me because I was always getting picked on, and called names. My study habits were all different. Every school I ever went to, all the grades…I’ve always been passed through because I was always such a nice guy.
I know now through all the turmoil and the hate and the fighting every day that I went through as a child, it forged me into being stronger today, to know that when I begged God to not let me go outside and fight, to not have people call me names and things like that, to not wish that I was dead, to knowing that things are beautiful. Everything works out and the way it works out is indeed the way it is supposed to work out. I know there is a higher power. I know there is a force that’s guided me here to even speak with you today. I don’t know what to call it. I don’t know if it has a name but I know it’s there. I know that the things that I went through, from fighting every day to now being a person that people look and judge nicely, instead of just judging me by the color of my skin and for bad things that I’ve never done.
I didn’t have any stuffed animals when I was growing up. I only had myself. That was the only thing I had, just myself. My stuffed animals were all inside my head. Not having anything physical, the things that I held onto, to get me onto the next day. I have a mouse now, Mr. Jingles. Mr. Jingles is from the movie THE GREEN MILE. He was hated. He was abused and bullied and stepped on and killed and John Coffey brought him back to life, which is my character. John Coffey was a man who was accused of crimes that he did not commit and was executed. But people knew that he didn’t do it and he knew that he didn’t do it. He was an innocent man.